Resetting the Clock

Every once in a while my time management gets a little out of control and I feel like I need to reset my clock and get back on a more feasible schedule. I’ve been going to bed past 1am every night a couple weeks now and it is really starting to catch up to me. I’m not even doing anything productive at night. With C waking up sometime around 5am for a feeding and then again about an hour and a half later I am tired during the days. I’m not one of those moms that can get by on just 5-6 hours of sleep a night. My house looks like a tornado has ripped through it and our bills have piled up a mile high. And my poor husband gets the brunt of my irritation at night even though he’s already helping out more around the house.

So last night I cut my web surfing down to a minimum and was in bed by 10:30pm. It was a good start even though I didn’t fall asleep right away because my body is so used to being up for a few more hours. But I hope this sleeping early will continue especially as we try to clean up/fix up our house to put on the market and have a couple other things going on in the near future.

Some introspection

Another thought on breastfeeding…
When I was debating whether or not to continue breastfeeding C I tried to weigh the pros and cons of each side. And as I was going through this process, in the back of my mind there was this nagging thought that revealed a lot about myself to me. One of the reasons for me to continue breastfeeding was this sense of pressure that I felt. The pressure from society, from billboards, from doctors, etc… that I should do it for at least a year. I even felt peer pressure because I am surrounded by moms who have been through much tougher circumstances and have stuck it out and well, I don’t really have any excuse not to – I’m not working, I’m a stay at home mom, I haven’t had any infections or other problems with nursing – I just have that feeling of despair that lasts for only a few seconds and then the feeling is gone almost as quick as it came. What I hated the most about this thought is that I knew this outside pressure that I felt was really just coming from me and being waaay too self conscious and that darn mommy guilt. Nobody would judge me and no one would probably even notice, let alone care if I stopped nursing C except me. I just needed to get over it.

My struggle with feeling self-conscious about a lot of things is nothing new but it’s interesting how this feeling has even seeped into this aspect of motherhood for me. Just something I’ve been thinking about…

Breastfeeding 妹 妹

When my son was first born there was no question that I would try and breastfeed him. AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) and all the books recommended it… “breastfeeding is best”. Nobody could prepare me for how tough and frustrating and painful the first few months of teaching a new mom and baby the skills of latching on and feeding could be. But since I was a new mom I wanted to do what was best for my kid, right? So I stuck it out and by the end of the year I could nurse J with my eyes closed upside down.

When my daughter was about to be born I figured I would breastfeed her as well since that’s what I did with her brother. However, after she was born, while it was much easier to breastfeed her physically since I knew what to expect I had a hard time emotionally with it. Every time right before my milk would let down I would feel this huge wave of depression fall over me and it just felt unbearable. Luckily, it never lasted very long and usually after several seconds the sensation would go away. Some people attributed it to the baby blues but one mom had suggested that it just might be related to all the hormones that are rushing through my body when my milk is coming through.

Well, it is 8 months later and I’m feeding C less since she is on solids and sort of sleeping through the night but I notice that I still get that surge of feeling crappy come over me every now and then. It doesn’t happen every time I nurse and it doesn’t last as long either but it’s enough that it has made me question more than once whether I should just stop breastfeeding her and put her on formula.

But last night M did a search for me on google and found out that what I experience has actually been identified as a condition called D-MER.
“Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex is a newly recognized condition affecting lactating women that is characterized by an abrupt dysphoria, or negative emotions that occur just before milk release and continuing not more then a few minutes.”
So there’s not that much information out there and it’s not on WebMD or anything official but it’s enough to reassure me that others have experienced this condition and I can put a name to it. Like they say, being able to identify your condition is half the battle. I haven’t done enough research on D-MER yet to see if there are lifestyle changes or something I can do to help alleviate this but I feel better already about wanting to stick with breastfeeding C. And the benefits of nursing her far out weigh this fleeting feeling… I can sleep in a little longer in the mornings by nursing her back to sleep, it will help with allergies (just like it did with J who is allergic to everything, ha), and there is a special bond with her during feedings that I cherish now.