Fasting – Day 3

Originally I intended to fast for 4 days but I didn’t take into account the plans that we would make for the weekend. So instead of breaking fast tomorrow night I will be breaking fast tomorrow lunchtime.

I don’t have any mind blowing revelation or spiritual “high” to share about on my fasting this time but today has been a continuation of the calmness and peace I have felt from yesterday. I think I expected to end my fast in a crumpled, broken, and emotionally drained heap but instead God has surprised me in unexpected ways. Even my husband can tell how patient and calm I’ve been with things. Things he says or does that would normally have me upset or annoyed have not bothered me one bit… now that’s a miracle!

Certainly during this time I have been more aware of God’s presence in my life and how much I need Him. Reflecting a little now, there is so much He has taught me already. One of the things He has taught me is that to repent and ask for forgiveness does not always have to be an emotional breakdown for me drowning in my guilt and shame over my sins and torturing myself over it. Because I am already loved and forgiven and there is so much joy and peace and freedom in that.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m really looking forward to breaking my fast tomorrow afternoon… I thought this fast might’ve been pure torture for me (and at times it was tough!). I started this thinking, I need time to process and confess my sins and this is something that I want to do for God and hoping He would be pleased by it. But in actuality, He did so much more for me during these few days, more than what I could have hoped for.

Fasting – Day 2

It is the end of day 2. Today was a much better day, maybe partly because I let myself have half a cup of coffee (without cream and sugar) in the morning to get rid of my headache.
To sum up today in one word: calm. Outwardly the day was not calm. With 3 kids and a dog (yes, we got a dog) running around the house all afternoon it still seemed slightly chaotic in our house which is the norm. But I felt calm and more patient and less annoyed and it felt really nice. I didn’t have any of the thoughts and struggles swirling around in my head. Maybe my brain is solely focused on how hungry I am and so everything else is pushed to the wayside. Or maybe God surprised me and gave me a sense of peace today which I have not felt in a long time.
I thought I would end up a crying mess tonight because I think with lack of food my emotions are heightened but instead the day was quite the opposite and I was pleasantly surprised… and very thankful.

Fasting – Day 1

Today I started my fast and it will last 4 days. It is a personal fast. I wanted to do this fast because I am feeling like a very unlikeable person. On the outside I am fine and can act as usual and be my cheery easy going self. But on the inside my thoughts swirl with coveting, fearing what others think, anger, resentment, regret, annoyance, and a whole host of other impure thoughts. It all culminated into a weekend of gluttony in Vegas… just gorging on food and wine and not having a care in the world.
There is this need for repenting but I have not yet fully confessed or want to go through the process and that is when I felt like I needed to fast. There is a lot of ugliness in me that I need to ask for forgiveness for that I have been avoiding for a very long time.
I have done some more reading on prayer and fasting and how we must make the effort to seek God and seek his face and not only his hands during my hunger pains and not just fill the time with other needless distractions. It is encouraged that I pray and read His Word and make every act an act of worship during my times of hunger.
Its the end of day one and I’ve got a splitting headache from no coffee, I’m feeling tired and sleepy, and I have filled my time with facebook and people magazines and other worthless distractions.
Let me tell you, Day 1 has been a flop and yes, I am hungry.