When church service is over and everybody is mingling around afterwards it can feel like some of the most lonely times for me. Looking around for people to chat with and catch up with, but honestly those conversations are so superficial that it often feels like a waste of time. And then when the conversation about the weather and how your week was is over and you run out of other things to talk about they (or I) have to find some reason to excuse themselves from you and then you go off searching for another conversation. I’m not looking for deep intimate conversations every time I talk with someone on Sundays but after service seems to be one of the biggest social scenes in where I want to escape from the crowd. It feels so lonely and I end up hiding behind my kids who are pulling me every which way and asking for this or that.
I feel like the older I’ve gotten the more introverted I get. I crave the smaller crowds and I don’t mind the silences and Sundays is just the total opposite of that for me. It’s like I need to be mingling and engaging in conversation that don’t last anymore than 10 minutes and then when the awkward silence comes it’s time to move on and find the next 5-10 minute conversation to hop into. Hopping around from conversation to conversation and then when we all get in the car and M asks me how it was talking with so and so, I really have nothing to say about it, because nothing was talked about that was worth mentioning.
I wonder if it’s also just a piling up of this church fatigue I’ve been feeling lately. Or maybe after all these years at our church I’m still feeling a little disconnected from the families and I need to make a little more effort. Or maybe I’m so focused on my church and how I feel about it and how it all affects me but not really about Christ. Maybe I just need a refocus and a recharge of my relationship with Christ. Or maybe…
Whatever the case, Sunday mornings are pretty damn lonely.
I feel the need to blog 