Mr. Hogan

This week has been a little more difficult to shake the heaviness that weighs on me in the mornings. But what has been a surprising gift to me is that Mr. Hogan, the metro guy, is back this week.
When the metro first started running last year he would be there every day for the first few months and say hi to the neighborhood families that walked to and from school every morning and every afternoon. He was friendly and M and I would always stop and say hi as we took the kids to school. His project finished sometime last May and we hadn’t seen him since then. But Monday he showed up again with another project for the metro. We have talked and caught up with each other every morning this week and I realized that my step is lighter when I walk home and my heart a little less weepy with my short interactions with him. There is nothing in particular that we talk about but nonetheless his friendliness at the intersection of my kids school has been a blessing.

Heaviness but thankful

There is an ache and a heaviness in my heart today.  It’s a “hard to get out of bed” kind of day.  I haven’t felt this in a long while and I forget how painful it is.  I am surprised and embarrassed by the old man and his dog triggering this.  First anger and then anxiety.  Not so much that it has brought about these strong emotions but by how long the effects of it has lasted on me.  I miss my kids at school and I miss my husband at work this morning.

Yet there is still much to be thankful for.  I reached out and leaned on friends that willingly put aside their time to spend their day with me and keep me company.  I shared with my husband my anxieties and he listened with loving patience and understanding  even though we are wired so differently.  I am so thankful for my mom who has such a fierce love for me and is angry with me and would stick up for me in a heartbeat.  In all these people God has shown me in such a tangible way His love for me.  It has drawn me to my knees and in a puddle of tears but still I am grateful.  I know this is only for a short period of time and that it will pass and to be honest I’m looking forward to that too and being thankful that it’s over.