Anger

I am 33 today and all I feel is angry and sad.
I must be stressed… I have so much anger built up inside of me that i didn’t even realize it til just now where i was just screaming and punching the crap out of our makeshift punching bag (a pillowcase filled with sand) in the backyard. Thankfully that was when my husband stepped in and had me come in and take a much needed break while he watched the kids. I’ve actually been punching things around the house for the past couple of days… the bed, towels, the wall (that one really hurt). I’ve just been too wound up to realize how much i need to relieve my stress and anger.
I’ve been reading my celebrity gossip magazines, my twilight series, and going to bed early as a way to escape but I guess that just hasn’t been enough these days. I thought things would be smooth sailing with my oldest starting kindergarten and my middle child starting preschool but those few hours when they are all home together until bedtime is like a battle zone. So much crying, whining, fighting, complaining… and then add me to the mix is just not pretty.
My life since I became a stay at home has become a supporting role. I support my kids in their school stuff, their activites, their everyday stuff. And I support (not financially) my husband in his job, even more so since he started his own company. I know a lot of moms have suggested that I find something for myself but honestly what I want is some long extended period of rest.
It’s strange but honestly I feel like since I broke my fast last week things have just gotten that much harder. Maybe it’s some kind of spiritual warfare, or maybe I really did not do a good job when breaking my fast and life just took over way too easily again.
Maybe it is just that my monthly friend will be coming to visit me in a couple of days according to iPeriod (very helpful app and it is super accurate to the day for me) and I am emotional.
As in all things I know that this season will soon pass and we will all adjust and figure out our rhythms in this household. In the meantime, God help me.