When I get to heaven

My son is allergic to a lot of foods. Several of them can cause extremely severe reactions and fish is one of them. He can’t even touch any fish let alone eat any. I’ve seen him totally miserable when his face got all itchy and his nose all swollen and rubbed raw after eating some seaweed which we suspect might have been a little contaminated with some fish or other food he is allergic to. I’ve seen him at his saddest moments questioning and asking us why does he have to be allergic to so many foods. And the other night when we were sitting around the dinner table a random conversation broke my heart a little more over my son’s allergies.

We were having our usual random dinner conversations with the kids when C somehow brought up the idea of her brother dying at his school. I can’t really remember how it was brought up but it was in a very light tone and not grim at all. Well as siblings are, J did not appreciate the comment and was starting to get all huffy about it when all of sudden his face lit up. He then exclaimed, if I die then I can go to heaven! And when I get to heaven I will be able to eat fish and I will know what it tastes like! His sisters then chimed in with other foods he could eat in heaven that he just cannot eat right now like ramen (egg) and cheese (dairy) and they were all getting excited for him. He continued on about all these other awesome things he could do in heaven like eat candy and not have any cavities and not have to get fake teeth like grandma but the fish comment made my heart ache and I couldn’t really listen too well after that.

His allergies are something we all have gotten used to and that he has handled very well. When everyone around him is eating cake or making pizza on a field trip he just sits and watches as he breaks out his own snack and eats it. I have gotten many comments on how well he handles watching other people eat and I have just started assuming he is okay with it all because that is his life. But when he makes a lighthearted comment about being able to eat fish in heaven I realize that he does really think about it a lot and hopes to be able to eat what everyone else around him can eat. And he is surrounded by this fact everyday whether at lunch with his friends at school or at birthday parties or even at home when his sisters are snacking on certain things.

I am also reminded that I need to pray more for him to grow out of his allergies. I’ve never really put too much thought into praying for his allergies until another mom friend mentioned it to me recently. I’m beginning to realize it really will take a miracle for him to grow out of all his allergies.

Mom’s Influence

We are doing premarital counseling with an engaged couple and I am reminded how much we are shaped and influenced by the way we were raised by our parents. As I am thinking more about what I want to do as the kids get older I realize how much my thinking is influenced by the way my mom raised me and how much I want to emulate what she did.

My mom was a stay at home mom to me and my brother up until my later elementary school years. I think she studied botany in college but when she did go back to work after I was in school she became a realtor. It was a part-time job with flexible hours and she was great at it. But I still remember her being home most of the time when I was home from school. And if she wasn’t then my brother was old enough to watch me. Her priority was still to be at home when we were out of school and to take care of us.

And now that I am a parent and have kids of my own I find myself wanting the same thing. I want to also pursue something that has flexible hours because I think I would still really like to be at home and with my kids when they are home from school most of the time. While I would still feel the need/want to do something for myself, my main priority would still be to be at home when my kids come home. It is familiar to me because that’s the way it was done when I was growing up and it worked for my family growing up. And so I want to follow a similar path also.