Hole in the Wall

I used to cry over every little thing. I was one big emotional rollercoaster of a mess. Once I became a mom I felt like it toughened me up and I wasn’t as afraid to speak up for myself and my kids and I didn’t cry as much (after the first few hormonal months).
But I realize I am still quite an emotional person but instead of just crying when I feel like it, I bottle it all up until one day I explode. And boy did I explode yesterday.
I haven’t quite figured out everything that I have been suppressing but it’s a combination of being tired, kids driving me crazy, and M traveling a lot lately.  He’s pretty much gone 4 out of the 5 days each week and it will probably continue like this for the next few months. When he gets back he is also exhausted from the traveling and the grueling work week. And for some reason our weekends have been so busy as well that there is hardly time to rest, even though we both need it.

And so I try to do as much as I can but I can sense the impatience and annoyance building up in me and when the kids are driving me crazy (as they so often do) I just need to shut the door and let out all my anger.  And so I punched and kicked a hole in our bedroom wall.  I even shocked myself.  It felt like an all time low in motherhood in so many aspects.

Well, that certainly got M’s attention and I got a lot of time to myself the rest of the night.  I admit that I need to find some better outlet of letting my anger and other emotions out.  Maybe getting back into a good exercise routine again and being okay with asking for help from others and to just cry when I feel like it.

And now I’ve got to watch youtube and figure out a way to patch up this hole.

Accomplishment

In the last week a work opportunity just fell into my lap and if all works out well I might be able to start doing some mechanical drawings for a friend’s company. It would be a few hours a week, I can work from home, and the projects would be non time critical. At this season in my life it’s a great job.
I haven’t touched any CAD software in 7 years now so my husband suggested that I try and play around with Google Sketchup to try and get back into the groove of solid modelling. He actually had a project I could do for his company on Sketchup and asked if I wanted to try it out. I enthusiastically said yes.
I thought it would be pretty easy for me to pick up when I started but it was not. After the first night of playing around with Sketchup and trying to make a solid model off a picture I ended up frustrated and in a bad mood. M was super nice about it and said if I didn’t want to finish his project it would be okay. I thought I would’ve enjoyed the challenge of learning a new software and we were both surprised at how discouraged I was and how much I just wanted to give up. Sketchup is actually not like the other 3D CAD programs I have used in the past and I think that really took me by surprise as well.
M had wanted me to finish the model in one night so I was ready to call it quits when I didn’t get very far the first night. But the next morning when I woke up I was determined to finish his model just for my own sake, even if he couldn’t use it at all. Let me just say, the next couple of days were even more frustrating and I was cursing up a storm as I spent hours working on it. But by the last day as I was finishing it up I found myself starting to get the hang of it. And to be honest, it was kind of nice being somewhat productive at night and not just being a complete sloth after the kids went to bed. (I tried to work on it during the day when I thought the kids were preoccupied but that was a complete fail. As soon as I opened my laptop the kids would swarm like a moth to a flame. They would gather around me and ask a million and one questions. “What are you watching mommy? What are doing with daddy’s picture? Are you doing daddy’s work?”)
I was supposed to have finished the model on Wednesday night but I was a little late in delivering it and finally finished it Saturday night. And even better he was able to use my model for his project still! So the model is not perfect by any means and probably isn’t anything super awesome looking but it felt great to learn a new tool and to finish my first ever solid model on Sketchup. It really has been a long time since I’ve challenged myself like this and the feeling of accomplishment of teaching myself Sketchup and completing a project has been pretty nice.

                    

A day of rest

It is Sunday morning and normally I would be at church with my family but this morning my husband took the kids to church and let me stay at home. It has been a long and busy week for all of us. We’ve had multiple guests come and stay with us, Mike has been crunching long hours to hit a deadline early next week, parent teacher conference and Halloween.
I knew it was off to a bad morning when I just had no patience for the kids, got into an argument with M, and we didn’t have anymore coffee at home. I tend to bottle up my exhaustion (which is what I think most moms do) and just carry on until I’ve reached my threshold and am unnecessarily snappy and impatient and just need a good cry to regain control of myself and my life. (Blogging helps too!)
So instead of being at church, I walked to my local Trader Joe’s and picked up some coffee and am back in bed listening to some music on Spotify, reading some devotions, and blogging.
M and I were able to resolve our argument this morning and I am so thankful for a husband who forgives me when I am moody and not nice, is not legalistic about me having to be at church every Sunday and truly understands when I just need a little time to myself to rest and be renewed.

Happy Mother’s Day

It is Sunday afternoon and I am hiding out in my son’s room (this is a good thing) while my husband takes care of the kids, prepares lunch, and cleans up our home. It has been a great weekend. We took the kids to Disneyland yesterday for C’s birthday and didn’t make it back home til almost midnight. It was a full day but happy to see the kids faces light up as they go on their favorite rides, meet princesses and duel with Darth Vader. And the fireworks show to cap off the night can’t be beat.

After a long day of being on our feet and waiting in lines yesterday, this morning M has ordered me to relax and I got breakfast in bed as the kids piled in to watch tv in our room. I got cards and a picture made by my two older kids and am catching up on my magazine reading this morning. This has been nothing short of awesome as I take advantage of all this pampering.

And I realize as much complaining as I do about my kids (and sometimes my husband too ;)) on this blog and how tiring it can be staying at home with them I am so very thankful to be a mom and to have a husband that is so great with the kids and so patient with me.

I am able to reflect this morning of the joy my family brings me and am so very thankful that God has blessed me with three crazy little monsters and a partner that is just right for me.

Happy Mother’s Day to me! (and yes, all the other moms out there too)