Expectations

It’s crunch time for M’s company this week.  He has been getting busier and busier over the past month and it has culminated into 18 hour days for the past week in order to hit a deadline.  That deadline was two days ago and he’s still working.  It is taking it’s toll on him and it’s taking it’s toll on our family.

I know it’s a really stressful, frustrating, and emotionally charged time for him right now so I try to give him as much space as possible.  And for this past week I feel like I’ve been pretty good about it. I’ve functioned almost as if he were on a business trip this past week and it’s been okay because I was expecting it to be that way.  But when the deadline came and went and him and his team are still cranking away it was hard for me to swallow.

I had always considered myself fairly easy-going and will go with the flow but I’m beginning to see I’m not really like that at all. Like my kids, I thrive on routine and schedules.  I’m not one to make spontaneous decisions. I like to have things planned ahead of time so I know what to expect. I’m all about expectations and when things do not turn out the way I expect I don’t adjust very well to the changes.

M was supposed to be done on a Thursday and he said that he would probably take Friday off just to spend time with family and recharge. Thursday came around and I knew they weren’t going to finish but thought maybe by Saturday. I cancelled birthday parties and potluck dinners on Saturday hoping to spend some quality time with family because I missed having M around and I knew the kids did too. It is now Saturday night and he’s still in the garage working and it’s looking like it’s going to be another long night and probably a long Sunday as well.

I wasn’t expecting to spend most of the weekend alone and I can feel the anger and resentment building up in me because of mismanaged expectations and my inflexibility. I try to control my emotions and be understanding but when the day is over and I’m left with my thoughts I am sometimes overcome with bitterness and other hurtful emotions.

I realize in a startup life one needs to learn to adjust and be a little more flexible with what may come. What I guess I didn’t realize is how much the wife must also be that way and I’m not quite there yet.