Hard Work

At the beginning of this year I hit a bit of a low point.  My anxiety was building up to an all time high with no sign of relief and if I’m honest I was probably also mildly depressed. I can’t even count the number of times I would cry in the mornings and try to coax myself out of bed.  I could function my day to day normally but I was sliding down a slippery slope and I knew that I needed to do something.  I am also turning 40 this year and this felt like a good catalyst to push myself a little and get some help and start actively working toward bettering myself.

With a lot of hesitation I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety.  I met with her weekly and it was really hard at first.  She had warned me that it would feel like I wasn’t making progress and that I would probably feel worse before I started to get better.  Then she clearly laid out a plan for how we would move forward for the next few months. Armed with those expectations in mind I dived into it.  Along with seeing my therapist I also started hiking with my dog once a week.  Getting out of my comfort zone and exploring new trails with her and hiking for a few miles did wonders for my mental health.  I also took a trip up to Napa with a couple girlfriends to celebrate all of us turning 40, and while that may not seem like a big deal for most people, traveling by myself brings all sorts of anxiety out in me but I did it anyway and it was a wonderful trip and I’m so glad I went.  I also stopped feeling guilty for reading so much and feeling like I should be doing something more productive with my time instead.  I know that I’ve read some article before about the benefits of reading but honestly I can’t remember what it said. Reading is a form of self-care for me and I just really enjoy it – so much.  I also got a prayer partner and we call each other once a week to pray over the phone.  I can’t describe what a blessing and a gift she has been. I have to admit that was not through any of my own initiative but I did agree to commit to it and I’m so thankful I said yes to it.  Through therapy I was learning new tools to cope with my anxiety and other crippling thoughts and able to challenge and stretch myself in small steps.  I took a training session to be a Crisis Text counselor and took a few shifts before I stopped for the summer.  After 15 years at our old church we started to attend a new church. It was hard being new again but I am really trying to make an effort to meet people and get plugged in.

Now that I am in the latter half of the year I can look back and see that I’m in a much better place now and I’m so thankful for it.  I used to shrug off these changes as things that happened to me and not of my own doing.  But now I am able to acknowledge that I put in a lot of hard work to get better and I’m really proud of myself.